Christ · Emotions

Unexplainable Fear

Kids seem completely fearless at times. They make new friends left and right, because they don’t have fear of the rejection they might find. They say what they’re thinking with no filter, because they have never been hurt by the words of another. They are fearless because they don’t understand. Yet, you turn out the lights and the fear become ever so real.

A child’s’ fear seems to come from their imagination. The monsters under their bed or in their closet. But slowly they start to understand this crazy emotion. People tell them over and over there is nothing to be scared of, the monsters aren’t real. They are told to be brave and that they will be okey. I defiantly had a fear of monsters when I was little, but I would never admit to it. I was determined to be brave.

In the house I leaved in during my years in elementary school our TV was in the basement and to a young child that was a scary place to be all by yourself. So I didn’t watch a lot of TV as a child. I believed that scary people lived in the basement, but never showed them selves to anyone. My families computer was on the top floor of our little house. I was scared to go up there by myself too. Now it seems kind of silly to be scared to be on a different floor all alone. My safe spot was the couch in front of the TV or the chair in front of the desk the computer sat on. I would run down or up the stairs and dive onto the furniture because for some reason that made me feel safe. All the scary people that secretly lived in our house for years wouldn’t come out and scare me if I was sitting in front of a screen. I don’t think I rely had an idea of what these people would do to me, but I didn’t want to see them. They were scary.

Thinking back on it I was mostly scared of being completely alone. I also believed that a tall skinny guy and a short fat guy lived in our bathroom shower, but some how teleported to a different place when I looked behind the certain. My imagination was wild, it still kind of is, I believed they truly were there. None of my fears really made any sense. I had no idea what real fear was. My fears began to grow bigger and the things I thought could happen to me got worse. Fears anywhere from my house burning down or a plain falling on my house to getting Salmonella or Limes disease. My fears started to become irrational. I soon had a prayer I prayed each night over and over to God, “Please don’t let a plain crash on my house, or my house to catch on fire or…” until I fell asleep. My crazy fears drove me right into the hands of God. Slowly I began to trust Him and I would only pray my prayer once a night.

Now most of the fears I had as a child have dissolved, but some still remain hidden, that I have never told anyone about. New fears have come to take the place of the childhood fears and most are not much different then any other college students fears, the fear of failing a class, not having the money to pay for classes, never finding the one you will spend the rest of your life with, never seeing your dreams come true. Honestly, I would much rather still be scared of the guys hiding behind the shower certain.

~ A distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined.

I found a lot of my fear was because I had a lot of time to think and a lot of them fell in the imagined category. My thoughts would start from something small and grow into big crazy fears. I tried looking up fact on the internet to try and settle my fears, but a lot of the time it only made them worse. Now, once I have a fear I look for ways to ease them, like praying. Praying seemed to be my only away as a child to relieve my fears and go to sleep. Now I end up praying when I’m scared almost the same way as I did as a kid, as a depurate cry to God for a feeling of safety. Maybe we never really get over all our fears from our childhood. Maybe we just learn how to hide them and give them new names. Maybe our fears have become so much a part of us that we don’t see them as fears anymore, but rather our way of life.

A lot of the time my fears are not something I can be saved from like they were as a child. Children’s fears don’t make a lot of sense to adults. Adult fears really make no sense to children and if we are honest with our selves some of our fears only make real sense to us and the others who have the same ones. Some times you can’t explain a fear to some one. You are just scared and need some one to comfort you, not tell you you shouldn’t be afeard.

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